February was a great month, our best month so far. Okay, you got us. It’s been our only month so far. But before our first second-month episode drops, let’s take a quick minute to recap all the fun we’ve had.
Episode 1: Bridget Jones’s Diary
“Hello, Firth” 
Totally Tasteful Tampon rating:
Helen—4 tampons
Valerie—4 tampons (Tampon Tie!)
Memorable Matt Moment:
“Renée [Zellweger] Zel-leather is the cutest she’s ever looked… her character is kind of cool, I like her character. She’s fun, she’s annoying as shit, but—no she’s fun.”
We hold back almost nothing in this episode, we even (shamefully) mention “the Divine Brown stuff” three separate times.
Episode 2: Beaches
“Viral Cardiomyopathy! High five!”
Totally Tasteful Tampon rating:
Helen—4 tampons
Valerie—5 tampons
Memorable Matt Moment:
“It’s pretty much devoid of any sexuality, like, they’re beautiful but the way the movie has them—there’s just nothing sexy about the movie. I’m not judging that one way or the other, I’m saying that seems to be the case.”
We leave out quite a bit in this episode, notably the extra two dozen times Valerie says, “in the book,” but also the part where Helen dishes on the tumultuous relationship between Melissa Leo and John Heard. Allegedly John Heard slapped Melissa Leo (how dare—anyone) and she filed harassment charges in ’96 when Heard was allegedly stalking her and their son. Valerie then admits to having slapped her own (ex)husband at their wedding reception after he (pretty aggressively) besmears her face with cake (think Carrie and pigs’ blood, ’cause that’s how she felt).
Episode 3: Spice World
“It’s a girl!”
Totally Tasteful Tampon rating:
Helen—5 tampons
Valerie—3 tampons
Memorable Matt Moment:
“This movie was difficult; fortunately I have a media device in my pocket that I can pull out at any time…”
In this episode, we don’t mention that allegedly The Spice Girls fire Simon Fuller after he and Baby Spice break up, because obviously we are above idle gossip.
Meet our Matts!
Matt LaStar
Matt LaStar is a dad, video guy, and tiny-house enthusiast, in addition to being Hel
en’s smart/handsome/talented/etc. husband. He has a passion for television and film and may just corner you at a party and insist you watch the Canadian crime drama Da Vinci’s Inquest (which you really, really should watch). When I asked him what his favorite chick flick was, he brusquely replied, “I don’t know,” so I’m going to arbitrarily say that his favorite chick flick is How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. And he’s telling me now that it’s definitely not How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, but he hasn’t offered an alternative, so it stands.
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Matt Mammola
Matt Mammola (Valerie’s Matt) used to read books a lot. He doesn’t really do that anymore, but he does watch a lot of incredible TV, thanks to his lovely girlfriend’s influence. Over the past three years, they’ve watched ground-breaking TV series together like Fringe, Battlestar Galactica, Orphan Black, and plenty others. Matt‘s really bummed excited about getting roped into this chick flick stuff too!
