Falling in Love Montage

We’re super into you. As such, we’ve been taking this relationship slow. We waited seven episodes to introduce you to our mother and now, after ten episodes, we’re inviting you to a wedding.
If you had $6,000 for every time we dragged you to a wedding, you’d have $6,000. But maybe you’d fall in love with us? Maybe you’d miss us, even if we never met? Maybe you’d give the money back, like Nick Mercer does. Follow along and find out what kind of wedding date you are.
*Featuring our special plus-one, Frances Chang

Cut your hair, grab your bag, and come along with us on a 2 hour adventure to South Port, North Carolina where young, white people fall in love. Helen and Valerie spoil the double plot twist in this surprisingly fun lady thriller adapted from, I can’t believe it, a Nicholas Sparks novel. 
Third plot twist, we loved it!

A bonkers prequel to True Detective season 1. Helen and Valerie explore what drove Rust Cohle so damn crazy. #AskAHelen

Mandy Ingber stars as a coy, unfunky teen whose best friend turns into a witch after her 16th birthday.  #AskaMatt

*This was our first full length Skype recording and we had some internet issues, so please send your hate mail to Xfinity Comcast.

This is Gary Marshall’s gift to mothers over 60. If you’re younger than 60, please wait to go see Bad Moms, that movie is probably less racist.

We took our own mother to see this and she still loves us in spite of it.

Happy Mother’s Day!

“Taylor Will Take You Home” – by Christian Grey

There are some people who say that I don’t have a heart at all.
So is he your boyfriend?
I saw the way he was smiling at you.
I don’t do the girlfriend thing.
Necrophilia’s not my thing.
I had Taylor pick you up some clothes.
Yours were covered in vomit.
I don’t do romance.
I’m not going to touch you until I have your written consent.
It’s called a flogger.
Not full time, just Friday through to Sunday.
You’re biting your lip.
Hold out your wrists.
That’s not really my thing.
Try not to get hung up on sleeping arrangements.
I was her submissive for six years.
But your body tells me something different.
Did you just roll your eyes at me?
Your biting your lip, you know what that does to me. Turn around.
When were you going to tell me about Georgia?
You’re mine. All mine.
Understand?
I would never do anything to you that you couldn’t handle.
Bend over. I’m going to hit you six times, and you’re going to count with me.
Please don’t hate me.
I’ll send you a check.